Tuesday, November 09, 2004

...The Dealbreaker

At this time four years ago I was dating a woman, Cinn, who appeared on paper to be my perfect match. Which is to say she was attractive (she looked a lot like Minnie Driver), roughly my age and Jewish.

She had a couple of annoying qualities that I found somewhat difficult to tolerate, but not dealbreakers. For one, she had two pet bunnies she talked about incessantly. I couldn’t have a conversation with her on the phone without being given a running play-by-play of every movement in their cage (“Awww, Petey’s giving her KISSIES”).

Second, she still lived with her parents. Now, I lived in Orange County at the time as well, so I am completely sympathetic to anyone who decides to take advantage of free rent as an alternative to the OC’s ridiculously overpriced real estate market. But it got kind of silly having a girlfriend who needed to call Daddy with a made-up story about her car breaking down every time she wanted to spend the night at my apartment.

Cinn was kind enough to treat me to a visit to Universal Studios for my birthday that year. While we were there I stopped in at one of the shops to look for some kind of stuffed animal to buy for my nephew, whose birthday was (is) just three days after mine. He was turning 1. As I looked around I casually mentioned to Cinn that my nephew had Down Syndrome.

Without skipping a beat, Cinn asked me, “When you see a child like that doesn’t it make you not believe in G-d?”

To this day, I have no idea what kind of reaction she was expecting out of me with that comment. Like, was I supposed to respond, “Why yes, I find my nephew so incredibly grotesque and disgusting that I hereby renounce my faith”???

Anyway, fuck that bitch and Happy 5th Birthday Bug.


Uncle Gooch

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