Thursday, September 09, 2004

...A Smorgasbord

A good reason to quit smoking: Even though your nose has grown accustomed to the smell, no matter how much mouthwash you use, how many times you brush your teeth or how much perfume or cologne you put on, all the non-smokers can still smell it on you. And who wants to be remembered as the person who stinks?

The ying/yang of my life: Stopping at the grocery store today, I actually found a parking space right in front of the store. This happens to me about once every 5 years. Leaving the store, I forgot where I parked and had to walk around and around before finding my car.

Something that will either make you like me more or hate me: Call me a party pooper, but I have an instinctive dislike for any music I can imagine large groups of people giddily singing, clapping or doing a synchronized dance along with. Hence my distaste for virtually all of today’s “pop” country music.

Something that is repeated all the time to the point most people buy it, but is generally bullshit: You can’t judge a book by its cover. I’m talking figuratively here, not literally. I’ve found that my first initial impression of people generally tends to be right in the long run.

Something to ponder: If I had never met my wife chances are I would still smoke dope pretty regularly.

A confession: Maybe it’s immature, but I find great humor in knowing that every person I run across during the course of my daily life has likely sat down to squeeze out a turd within the previous 24 hours.

Choosing just one: If I was truly the last person on the face of the earth and no longer had reason to care about my appearance, I think I would live on a strict M&Ms diet. They’re good.

Stating the obvious: People are rarely looking for an honest answer when they ask if they look fat.

New Dad Faux Deep Discussion: I find it fascinating that newborns have absolutely no language skills. That means it must be impossible for them to think, since they have no language to think with. That's trippy dude.

How to piss me off:Use that “What Happens in (insert place), stays in (insert place)” line on me. Like, what the fuck did you think I was going to do, go babble it to everyone?

A slightly misogynist tendency of mine: I find it difficult to not take a person just slightly less seriously after I’ve seen them naked.
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