Wednesday, July 21, 2004

...My Movie Career

My friend Ryan and I thought up an idea for a movie once. It was going to be about a guy whose penis starts talking back to him. It was based on the premise that guys often tend to lose their common sense and judgement when it comes to sex. I’m always coming up with unique observations like that. The film was going to be called "Mr. Happy".

We were semi-serious about getting it made.

Serious enough that we had a whole guerilla marketing scheme planned out to get the script into the hands of a major studio. One of our coworkers at the time dealt exclusively with clients in the entertainment industry, so we figured she could drop off our script to the right people while she was out on one of her sales calls.

Not so serious that we bothered to write the script.

Mr. Happy was going to be every guys worst nightmare. He was going to act as the conscience of the main character, trying to talk him out sleeping with the wrong women. His goal was to keep the main character from doing stupid stuff he would later regret, like sleeping with an ex-girlfriend who claims she just wants to have sex for sex’s sake when she’s really using it as a tool to try to get back together. Or sleeping with some less than desirable person he beer-goggles at 1:45AM at the bars [Screenwriter’s Note: Need to establish that 1:45 is "Last Call" at bars in California]. Mr. Happy would stubbornly refuse to grow erect if he didn’t approve of the partner.

There was also going to be a sympathetic but troubled female character, Marla, in the film who was always dating the wrong guys. I don’t remember if she was going to have a talking vagina or not. She was based on another woman we worked with at the time who was dating this incredibly creepy guy in real life who was also her boss. The real-life inspiration for Marla eventually ended up dumping her boss and marrying Ryan. They celebrate their second wedding anniversary this month.

Since this was around the same time "There's Something About Mary" set a new standard for gross-out humor, we thought we’d up the ante by coming up with a scene where Mr. Happy gets all disgusted at the prospect of his owner having anal sex with some woman. I’ll spare you the details, except to say that it had to do with poo.

Always the practical one, I was a bit concerned about some of our ideas fitting within the standards of an R-rated film. Now we’ve probably really missed our shot; no way is a movie like this going to get made in the post-Janet Jackson’s Boob era. But if that should change, consider this post my copyright.
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