Sunday, June 20, 2004

...Father's Day

My Life As A Hallmark Ad

The bedroom door flew open this morning a little after 8, where I found my stepkids armed with a cup of coffee and a plate full of eggs, screaming “HAPPY FATHER’S DAY” loud enough that I otherwise would have had to scold them for not using inside voices. The rest of the morning was spent watching their gift to me, a DVD copy of my favorite “guilty pleasure”-film, Adam Sandler’s The Waterboy

A Subtle Hint

I stopped going to the gym about a month and a half ago. This was initially due to the fact the company I own (along with 3 partners) had finally grown to the point where we needed an office larger and more professional than the spare bedroom in Bob’s house.

For about a week the regular 8-5 workday was spent on business as usual, while after hours was spent preparing the new office for our arrival.

Our first week in, I think all of us tried to assuage our nervousness about adding an office to our monthly expenses by working longer hours than usual; each one of us waiting for someone else to make the first move out the door.

Since then, I have only sloth to blame. A few times I went through the motions of packing up my gym bag and once or twice went so far as to drive in the general direction of the gym, only to have that little devil whispering “Fuck it” appear on my shoulder.

I justified this behavior by rationalizing that my wife would appreciate my getting home earlier every night, proving to her that I make familial responsibility a higher priority than personal vanity.

My Father’s Day gift from my wife: A bunch of new gym clothes.

It Only Took 30 Years

Like most kids who actually like their parents, I have often fantasized about getting the fat contract to pitch for the Yankees or the $25,000,000 per movie deal that would allow me to repay my mom and dad for the immeasurable kindness and generosity they have shown me throughout my life (even long after it was legally required).

While I wait for that day to come, I can at least feel good about getting my dad a Father’s Day gift I know he liked, which means it won’t be found still in its original packaging when I come up for Thanksgiving. This present was so perfect my sister and I had to go in on it together (along with some other stuff) so we could both take the credit.


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