Tuesday, January 18, 2005

...(Even More Of) What I've Learned So Far

The most nonsensical thing on Earth: Single-person bathrooms marked with a “Men” or “Women” indicator. If only one person can go in at a time, why does it matter what gender the pooper or peeer is?

1) When you’re single, the most annoying people imaginable are those married people or people in long-term relationships who determine that just because they happened to find someone desperate enough to settle for them that they now have some special insight or expertise on affairs of the heart and are always giving out unsolicited advice on how you too can meet * your * special someone. 2) When you’re married, the most annoying people imaginable are your single friends who go on and on about how deeply in love with, how much in common they have with and how spiritually connected they are with some person they’ve been dating for like a month 3) When you’re a parent, the most aggravating thing imaginable is listening to the child-rearing theories and philosophies of people who don’t have any.

People who claim not to like babies, cats or puppies are often just trying to get a reaction out of you.

A big accepted myth is that anyone who listens to NPR is a left-wing liberal. Some people (like yours truly) just don’t have the patience for commercials.

When you’re young and exhibit shyness, people look upon this unfortunate condition with sympathy and understanding. When you’re a grown-up and exhibit shyness, people assume you’re a stuck-up, snooty, snob.

With some exceptions, I’m sure, women who keep their virginity into their 20s do so by choice. Men who keep their virginity into their 20s have simply been unable to find a single person on Earth willing to have sex with them.

We have now reached the point where one of the biggest things you can do to show your individually is to *not* get a tattoo.

The single greatest status symbol of our current generation is being busy. Whenever anyone is trying to impress you, they’ll always talk about how busy they are. The most shameful thing a person can admit to is having some free time on their hands.

There is a certain personality type whose greatest goal in life is to attain some sort of management position, not because he or she has any new, fresh or creative ideas that could help his or her company run more efficiently or more profitably, but simply because he or she is egotistical enough to simply want the word “Manager” in his or her title. That and they want to be able to boss people around. The world would be a far more pleasant place is all such people were rounded up and forced to slide down a 20-foot razor blade into a vat of boiling acid.
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